Recap of Today- April 13th, 2012

We had a good day today. As I said earlier, Caleb received no chemo today, so that was nice. However, after todays break, tomorrow is going to be hard and heavy! More on that later.

This is about to either get gross or funny...just warning you!

Last night, Caleb's belly was getting big again. They were worried on some level that fluid was starting to build up again. So, they did a stomach x-ray to see what was going on. And what did they find? Poop! He is full of poop! This makes sense on so many levels as far as his diet and potential side effects. He has been eating like crazy! I feel like that is all he does is eat. The problem comes with what he as been eating.

They told him that he was able to eat anything and every thing he wanted. So, what does an 8 year old boy like to eat? Mac and Cheese, cheese sticks, string cheese, goldfish, goldfish and more goldfish, pop tarts, ravioli, and so much more. So, he has had a steady diet of cheese the past couple of days and that combined with potential side effects of constipation from chemo and we have a boy full of poop!

So, today our goal was to get him to eat anything that causes people to poop. He ate raisins (in fact we made him eat a box of raisins every time he ate something else), he had part of a bean burrito, he ate broccoli, he ate granola bars, he drank water, he drank apple juice, we walked and walked and walked trying to loosen something up, and they gave him medicine to try and help things move along as well. So, how have we done? He has pooped a bit, but not enough to really help. He isn't in any pain whatsoever...he just needs to poop!

Other than that, it was a chill day. We played Xbox, read a few chapters from "Stone Fox" and talked about them (his school class is reading this book now), played "Would you Rather" and other things to pass the time.

Tomorrow is a big chemo day. It is bigger than yesterday. We start early, around 8 am, with a procedure to draw his spinal fluid and check to see if there is any cancer in it...then, as a precautionary measure, they will put a little chemo in his spinal fluid. It should only take 20 min or so. After that, they will give him the same medicine that he received yesterday...but they say they will give it to him a little quicker. Then, after that he has another round of medicine he got last week. Then, he will end the day by getting a dose of the medicine they will put in his spinal fluid in the morning but now through his port.

It will be a long day! We are praying for minimal side effects from all of the chemo and grace to get through whatever may happen. The doctors and nurses here are amazing and are taking really good care of all of us. Tomorrow will be no different!

We did get an awesome report today that is a HUGE answer to prayer. Last week when they did the original pet scan, the doctors were saying that the bone marrow was 15% covered with cancer. Today, after the 1st round of chemo, we can report that there is now 0% coverage in the bone marrow! What an awesome thing! What a big God we serve! I was taken back to song Caleb's class sang this morning:

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God!

We are celebrating a good day and journeying on toward a potentially harder day! We are so proud of our little guy! He is such a trooper!

We are so overwhelmed with the support that has been given to us! I have always been on the other side of this and that is the side that I am most comfortable being on. But God is taking me to a new place of humility through all of this. I am not sure it is a comfortable place...in fact I know it isn't...but it is a place I need to go. I have always done for others and not let others do for me. I am beginning to understand that to truly be a part of community, you have to let others help you just as much as you help them.

I wonder if I bring this attitude into my relationship with God. I wonder if my self reliance has slipped into my view of God and His grace? Don't get me wrong, I know that grace is the only way I am saved just like I know I need help from others. But just like I rarely live that way with others, I wonder if I rely on my own strengths and abilities with God as well. This experience is taking me to a new place in both areas of my life and showing me that without Him and without the church I cannot make it!

May I never take others for granted and may I never cheapen God's grace again! May I always be reminded not only in my thoughts but also with how I live that I have not done anything to deserve God's grace nor can I do anything that would allow me to deserve God's grace! I want to live in total and complete dependance on Him! I feel like I have been pushed there again and again like I never have before! Like I said, I am not sure it is the most comfortable place to be, but if that is what it truly means to live totally dependent on Him, then I am all in! I want this place to be and feel normal! I never want to trust in my own abilities again! Once again, it isn't that I never have trusted in God or had faith in God...that has always been my story! I am only being asked to jump in deeper and the thing is I can't see where it is taking me...that is a scary and awesome adventure at the same time! So, here's to jumping and believing that He will catch me before I hit the bottom!

Have a great night!

Grace and Peace